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Subtitles
00:00 | Our first guest tonight is a ball of british energy who has survived a long list of hardships including the burden of having to make love to three quarters of the women in the civilised world. |
00:10 | You can see him as the host of Grandads with Russell Brand, Thursday nights at 11pm on FX, please say hello to Russell Brand. |
00:37 | How are you? |
00:43 | I feel very happy, thanks, jimmy. |
00:45 | I want to ask you something. I just something occurred to me. |
00:49 | I look at you and I wonder, does it take you a long -- do you get ... does it take you a long time to get ready? |
00:55 | Or do you just roll out of bed? Because it could be either way. |
00:58 | It would be two hours. It could be five minutes. I really don't know. |
01:02 | Do you mean in this particular instance right now? |
01:04 | In general, In general. |
01:07 | Well like for example, on an average day? |
01:09 | Yeah. |
01:09 | Because you can never have an average day Jimmy. |
01:11 | That was a trick question. |
01:13 | If a day is going average, do something weird eat some helium, release a dragon. |
01:19 | because I tell you your hair is very messy but you smell great. |
01:22 | You smell really clean. |
01:23 | I would like to emphasize this point if I may say - Go ahead. |
01:26 | On your television program - please do. |
01:28 | I'm very clean! - You are clean. |
01:31 | People think, like, for some reason I possibly threw some of my nocturnal habits, so I may be unhygienic. |
01:40 | I'm not. I'm very well groomed. Immaculately clean. And as Jimmy just verified, I smell nice. |
01:46 | You smell really ... you smell extranice I get the smell the cleaning is coming ... I feel ... I feel cleaner now sitting next to you. |
01:53 | Yes. I exude pheromones and spores that are even now going into your glands. |
01:59 | Something will fire out of your urethra in a moment. |
02:04 | Maybe an endorsement deal. |
02:09 | Did you celebrate easter? |
02:11 | Actually, yes. As a matter of fact, I did. Because I like things like that. |
02:14 | Easter, celebrations, times where everyone, collective consciousness is accrued. |
02:19 | And I really like -- some people don't know but I think that Jesus is really brilliant. |
02:24 | All those things he done. The miracles. That was kind. |
02:29 | The sacrifice of his own life that we may be free from sin. I think that was a really, really nice thing to do. |
02:35 | Also, I like that he was very anti-establishment figure. |
02:41 | Smashed stuff up sometimes. |
02:43 | There's a story about him going in a church and smashing stuff up. |
02:46 | Yet when I do it -- no, I would never do that, of course. |
02:51 | But like, yeah, so on easter, right? |
02:54 | One of your mates said to ne what did you do over easter? |
02:57 | I said really actually very religious. |
02:59 | I literally was reading the bible, watching documentaries about Jesus and learning about him and looking after my God children. |
03:07 | So that's about as spiritual a day as you can have, isn't it? |
03:10 | How old are your god children? |
03:11 | I've got these god children that have been alive for two years and four months. |
03:15 | They're twins. |
03:16 | And you're watching tv while you're supposed to be watching them? |
03:21 | All right, I wasn't solely supervising them - oh I see OK. |
03:25 | There was an adult there as well - Okay, all right. Because like ah ... |
03:30 | Oh, yeah, I'm an adult, right? |
03:31 | Because like child twins have no faith. |
03:35 | They have no respect for rules, convention. |
03:37 | They eat glitter. That's weird. |
03:39 | I mean We all know it's gorgeous, but don't put it into your body. |
03:44 | But how do you know? It could make great things come out. |
03:48 | Right. Great things like Rainbow urine. |
03:52 | When you get your kids back. They might have multicolored urine. Don't report me to social services. |
03:57 | If anything sparkles in their diaper, it wasn't me. |
04:02 | If you can make the urine of an adult sparkle, you're a sex wizard. You do it to a kid, you're going to jail. |
04:09 | And that should be a bumper sticker. That's an excellent tip. |
GLOSSARY
hardships: privacion extrema; burden: cargar; host: anfitrion; roll out: salir; messy: desordenado; groomed: ; well groomed: apariencia limpia; endorsement: aprobacion; deal: contrato; easter: Pascua; accrued: acumulado; Smashed stuff up: cosas destrozadas; glitter: escarcha; sparkles: brilla; diaper: pañal;
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